To resolve conflict, it is useful to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, which has been called the bible’s “love chapter.” As Christians, God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. For married people, there is no closer neighbor than your mate!
Let’s take a closer look at the five love secrets in these scriptures so that you can use them to smooth the rough edges in your marriage and make it stronger!
1. Love suffers long and is kind. It is uncomfortable to see the word “love” and “suffer” in the same sentence. But the suffering refers to relationship conflicts, which can be painful at times. It can be hard to be kind while you are hurt or angry with your spouse. Yet the ultimate kindness is to keep praying for them during this time.
Ask God in prayer to strengthen your spouse in their weaknesses and to do the same for you. Ask him to restore peace between you. Evaluate every source of disagreement. Ask yourself, “Is this really worth arguing over?” If it isn’t then let it go. Yes, it is painful to hold your tongue, but extend grace to your spouse whenever possible, just as God does to you.
2. Love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up. One of the biggest sources of unhappiness is envying what someone else has. Do not compare your spouse to what someone else’s husband or wife does. Such actions make your spouse feel unappreciated and devalued. Instead, notice the good things that your spouse does and compliment them. The goodwill that you generate will probably make them want to do more of it!
Also, avoid the prideful tendency to paint yourself as “the good one” in the marriage and your spouse as the one who needs fixing. Everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. You both need God equally to show you the other person’s point of view so that you can walk in agreement.
3. Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. No matter how hurt you are, there is never a place for name-calling, insults or other forms of verbal abuse. Always treat your spouse with respect. Even though they may be angry or even nasty, do not return evil with evil. You overcome evil with good through your faith in Jesus Christ.
If your spouse is argumentative, then say to them, “We need a time-out. Let’s talk about this later when we both have a chance to calm down.” Agree to a time when you will pick up the discussion again. During the interim, take the situation to God in prayer. Ask him to show you a solution that you and your spouse can agree upon so that you can live in harmony again.
4. Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. If you recognize that you have wronged your spouse, do not excuse your behavior away by saying, “That’s just the way I am.” You are a new creation in Christ Jesus. How does the bible say you are to treat your spouse? Check out Ephesians 5:28-33. That is the standard by which to live. Be quick to ask for forgiveness and then ask God to order your conduct aright so that you can walk according to his word of truth.
5. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. The bible is full of examples in which God’s people wronged him repeatedly and yet his love for them never wavered.
No matter what you are going through, you must believe that God is able to heal your marriage problems. He can renew dying sparks and soften hard hearts.
Keep praying – ask for wisdom and walk according to it. Listen to the Christian marriage counseling advice you glean from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Above all, hold fast to your confidence that God, who is love, never fails.
Kimberly Floyd is an author and certified wellness coach. Did you find her tips on Christian marriage counseling useful? You can learn a lot more about how to save your marriage. Take this free quiz to discover the 9 Early Warning Signs of Pending Marital Disaster and how to avoid them. Click here to learn more.
