Am I Obliged to Send a Wedding Gift?

I have tried for 14 yrs. to get together w/ my third cousin and her family, who I actually only had met about 5 yrs. prior and we saw each other 3-4 times per year for a while. These last many yrs.she always claims to be busy when I ask. to see her. We live 80 mi. from each other. I gave up calling 10 yrs. ago, because she rarely returned calls. Our daughters are somewhat friendly and get together occasionally. The girl is getting married and my daughter reluctantly agreed to be a bridesmaid. My husband and I were shocked to get an engagement announcement. we sent a gift, & got a thank you. NOw, we are invited to the wedding, & we are not going. My daughter feels since we have no contact that sending a gift is not necessary. The girl was 13 when we saw her last. Honestly, I always thought one should send a gift regardess of attending or not, but in this case, I don't think I will. I'll send the response card back, of course.

Suggestion:

I understand that you haven't seen this girl in years, but since YOUR daughter is actually in the wedding party, I think it would be nice to send a kind gesture or small gift of some sort. Do not let this bride and her mother dictate your character and behavior.

And you don't know exactly what was going on 10 years ago in her life; she very well may have been too busy to get together.