My Husband Doesn't Act Like He's in Love with Me

I hear this phrase quite a lot. Many wives write and indicate that they are afraid that their husband is no longer “in love” with them. Often when I ask them why they think that this is so, they will tell me that the most persuasive reason for these assumptions is the way that their husband has been acting toward them. I often hear things like ” he looks at other women differently than he looks at me.” Or, “he looks at me with contempt as though he’s just not interested in or attracted to me anymore.” Or “he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore and acts like he could care less. He avoids me or just goes through the motions when he’s with me.”

When I ask these wives how they have been addressing this situation, they usually tell me that they have pointed this out to their husbands, only to be told that they are imagining things, are over reacting, are nagging, or are expecting too much. In short, most people will try to address this through talking rather than with some swift and concrete action. And I know from first hand experience that it’s often your actions rather than your words that are going to get you the results that you want. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Trying To Pinpoint Why Your Husband Might Be Falling Out Of Love With You: I know that breaking things down to their core might seem like a lot to ask. But, if you can find the root of the problem, this will often go a long way toward telling you what your best game plan is going to be. Sometimes, it truly is not that the husband doesn’t love you anymore, it’s that there are other things in his life demanding his attention and, although he’s most certainly taking you for granted, his feelings are still there somewhere. He’s just not demonstrating them.

There are other times when the marriage has become stale. The culture of the marriage has become stagnant and undemonstrative. Both people are just sort of going through the motions and no one really wants to say or do anything for the fear of rejection or the fear of being the only one who cares enough to take action. It can feel very vulnerable to be the lone person who is calling attention to this.

Finally, there are times when the marriage has been suffering for neglect or “going through the motions” for so long, that the feelings really have been effected in a negative way. This doesn’t mean that the feelings can’t be brought back or uncovered. It just usually means that there is more work to do.

Sometimes, I’ll have wives tell me that they don’t think that their husband has really ever loved them in the way that a husband should love his wife. They tell me that he’s always been sort of lukewarm to them. I understand this, but I also have to tell you that many husbands comment on and send messages through my blog. It’s my stance that very few of them would marry someone that they didn’t love. Sure, they may be the type of person that doesn’t show a lot of public or demonstrative affection, but this doesn’t mean that the affection is not there. In the case of these men, sometimes you have to show them what you want and then train and encourage them to do this more regularly.

Getting Your Husband To Show You That He Loves You: If what you have is a husband who just doesn’t show his emotions quite as much as you want him to, you’ll often need to demonstrate what you want. You do this by treating him in the way that you want to be treated. You lay on the affection and then lay on the praise when he responds in the way that you want him to.

See, often we women approach this in the wrong way. We nag. We try to elicit guilt. In short, we elicit negative emotions that only cause our husbands to retreat. Sometimes, we instead need to show them that this process won’t be a negative one and doesn’t need to make them uncomfortable. So, if we begin by taking the initiative ourselves, we will often be able to ease them into new behaviors without them resisting too much.

If what you have is a stagnant marriage or a man who’s falling out of love, this might take a longer longer and require more steps. But the idea is really the same. You try to keep things as light hearted and as upbeat as you can. You focus on positive emotions rather than negative ones. And, if there are any underlying issues, then you work to slowly address them so that they do not continue to sabotage the relationship. And once you’re beginning to see some progress, then you praise this and show him how good this makes you feel and how much his life is going to be improved if his actions improve yours.

Unfortunately, I almost waited too long to change my actions when my husband had checked out of our marriage and was no longer in love with me. Making things better took a lot of effort on my part, but it was so worth it. I was eventually able to return the love and intimacy, and save the marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/