There is no right or wrong answer to this question but a lot of opinions over which is the correct or incorrect solution. The problem all comes down to motive in the end. Why would you tell and why would you keep the secret. There are pros and cons on every side but the most important is what you feel telling or hiding the secret will ultimately do to your relationship. Here are a few things to consider before you make your decision.
1) Can you live with the secret? Some people can. It will be no problem for many people to keep the secret and move on with their lives as though it never happened. Others though, cannot manage to keep it. Guilt can be a very destructive force in relationships. It can also be extremely self destructive if it’s allowed to get out of hand. Will your sense of guilt get the better of you down the road or do you feel confident that you can make the decision not to tell and really live with it?
2) Are your motives for telling pure? Do you want to tell so you won’t have to live with the guilt? Are you interested in telling the truth because you know it will hurt the person you say you love? Or, do you want to tell the truth because you know, deep down inside, that if the person you love is going to find out it is better that he or she finds out from you?
3) Do you want to tell your spouse because you ultimately believe that he or she has the right to know? This is huge. If you believe on a deeply personal level that the other person should know what you’ve done it would eat at you forever if you ignored your own core beliefs. In fact, it could do more harm than good for the overall relationship.
4) Is it something you believe your spouse could live with? If it isn’t, is there a compelling reason you must reveal the truth or can you move forward with a plan to “sin” no more? If you’ve left it in the past there may not be a reason to bring it up. You’ll have to live with the guilt but there are worst things in life and you can use this as an opportunity to renew your commitment to your marriage and work to make things better than ever between the two of you.
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