The Eternal ‘We’
A lot of things that you used to do on your own must now be done with your spouse. When you go out, family and friends may have the tendency to look over shoulder and ask where your spouse is. You may not be your spouse’s keeper but it feels like it and that could make you resentful. Do you no longer exist if you’re not part of the eternal ‘we’?
Unfortunately, you can only expect this to happen again and again. People seemed to have this built-in expectation about needing to see marriage couples together at all times and the moment they’re apart, the rumors about a possible divorce or marital woes immediately start.
But you have to learn not to let these things get to you. Even though you didn’t mind being part of the eternal ‘we’, the words and attitudes of other people could still end up poisoning your mind and eventually your relationship with your spouse as well.
Yes, it’s important to keep your individuality – your identity – even though you are a part of a marriage, but you also have to be willing to share yourself with your spouse. That’s what you promised when you made your marriage vows, remember?
There’s nothing wrong about being yourself or being a part of a mated pair as long as you keep things in perspective. As long as both of you are able to manage your time together and apart effectively then don’t pay attention to whatever other people say. Maybe they’re just jealous of how healthy your marriage is!
Money
Sure, men are considered to be the “destined” breadwinner of the family, but would it really kill you to exercise just a little bit more control than usual over spending? Unless your husband has an unlimited source of income, he may eventually resent your unwillingness to share financial management of the household and for your future.
A joint account isn’t required, but you do have to consult each other before making any huge financial decision. It would be good to discuss what your financial goals are and how you can best achieve them.
Space
If you’re used to living on your own and not having other people mess with your things then you’re in for a surprise. When you get married, everything becomes the property of Ours, Inc. Yes, you can ask your spouse to respect your space and for the most part, he or she would be willing to abide by it but there are also inevitable circumstances when your spouse still ends up invading your space.
Unfortunately, if you blow up a fuse about every little thing, your marriage would turn into a war zone and you’d be heading for splitsville faster than you can say ‘get out’.
You have to be reasonable and reach a compromise. Let go of what you can let go. Forgive what you can forgive. The more you give in, the more you’ll be able to exercise authority on things that are most important to you. You’ve forgiven your husband for turning your study room into a poker room for his friends, for messing with your toiletries, or for taking up half of your side of the dress cabinet for his smelly sports shoes collection. The least he could do is not to touch anything you’ve placed on your work table!
Friends
Now that you are married, you owe it to your spouse not to confide every little thing about your marriage to your friends. Sure, you’d trust them with your life but that’s not the point. Marriage is made up of two persons and unless your spouse explicitly agrees that you can be just as honest with your friends as you had been before marriage then don’t say anything.
Similarly, your home is now your spouse’s home as well. You can’t just invite friends over anytime for any reason. You have to respect your spouse’s privacy as well.
In-Laws
Marriage adds a new title next to your name. Now, you can’t just think as an employee or son or daughter. You also have to think as a wife and husband and consequently, you need to balance all those titles. There are times when you have to make a tough decision and choose between obeying your parents or staying true to your spouse. These are hard times, but you’ll know what’s right when you listen to what your heart says.
Marital Curfews and Martial Law
Okay, you don’t exactly get a curfew from your spouse but you at least owe your spouse the courtesy of letting him or her know as early as possible if you’re unexpectedly going home late and any other commitments you may have.
It doesn’t mean that you’re acknowledging your spouse has a say on where you go, what you do, and who you hang out with. But what would you lose when you inform your spouse about these things? It would keep your spouse from getting worried when you’re not home early as usual. Wouldn’t you want your spouse to do the same if it’s the other way around?
Moreover, do exercise common sense and limit the risks you take with your marriage. Try to avoid going out in any date-like circumstances or anything that could lead to trouble. Read: going out with only one other person from the opposite sex, drinking in a bar, and indulging in a little flirtatious encounter here and there.
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