They are getting married in a few months and I'm pretty sure I won't be getting an invite 
My question is, should I get them a wedding gift? My ex and I were together 25 years and still get on great. If it were anyone else getting married that I had known for that long and got on that well with, I'd buy them a gift, but I'm worried that it might cause friction if I do. After all it's her day as much as my ex's. I thought about getting a joint gift with my brothers and sister for them. (My ex still gets on great with my family.) Any thoughts?
Suggestion:
Don't get a wedding gift. Get a housewarming gift, if they've recently moved into a new house or will after the wedding.
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Even if she is going to be nasty, be nice to her anyway. Let your ex deal with her.
No one will expect you to give one, but go ahead and get them a gift and address it to both of them. It might cause friction if you don't get them a gift just as easily as it would if you don't. Be proactive. It's just a gift, not an invitation to go on vacation together.
No. You are under no obligation to get them a gift–invited or not. Although your intentions are good, you have to understand that she is coming into a relationship with someone who has baggage–you. As much as you want to be friends with this new woman in your ex's life, it's not possible right now and you are more than likely overwhelming her. There is already friction there and if you buy a present, you're just going to cause more. Back off and let them be.
unless you are invited to the wedding or receive a wedding announcement, there is no social obligation to get them a gift….but if you just want to let everyone know you are great with is remarrying and a gift is your way to say that, ask him the next time you speak if his fiance would be okay with that and go by whatever he tells you.
I say no. Even though you sound like you have the best of motives, I'd think his new bride would always wonder about the relationship the 2 of you have, especially after 25 years. If I was in her position, I wouldn't want any gift from the ex. She's trying to start a new life, and your shadow already probably looms larger than she wants.