if im understanding it correctly, if the registry itself its what's tacky, then shouldnt baby showers not have them either and everyone bring whatever they want.
Suggestion:
The reigstry itself is not tacky, its how and when you inform people of it.
Because there is a difference in the type of celebration for a wedding and a brial shower, the bridal shower itself is not tacky to have a registry, and neither is putting in the registry information on the bridal *shower* invite.
However, putting it on the wedding invite is tacky, though this varies based on culture, in the U.S. it is tacky, in other countries such as Australia it is acceptable and common.
A shower (baby or bridal) is designated to "shower" the honoree with gifts of items they will need to get started on establishing their new home together (bridal) and gifts of items they will need for their new baby. You have the registry so people will know what you need.
A wedding is a celebration of your vow exchange/marriage and not intended as a gift grab, there for making it tacky, its meant to celebrate not "shower". While most guests will bring a gift (monetary or otherwise) putting this in your wedding invite means you expect your guests to bring you a gift. Wedding gifts at the actual wedding/reception should be done by word of mouth – only!
There is exception to rules, on wedding/bridal shower etiquette though:
If the couple lives together, they should already have an established home and the items they need, if the couple lives together its considered tacky for the bride to be, to have a bridal shower at all, though many do. The shower is meant to "establish" not "upgrade".
Gifts of cash on the registry or invite (shower or wedding) is extremely tacky! Many will give you cash anyway (most will) but if you put that as what you want, you come of as greedy and some will think they are helping fund your wedding or they are paying to attend the event – even if that isn't the case.
The only time I would see in the U.S. as putting the bridal registry on the wedding invite would be if the couple who is getting married is orginally from a country where this is acceptable in their culture.
For myself: I'm in my 30's and both my fiance and I own our own homes, I'm a first time bride and we do not live together but we're both well established and have double, if not triple of everything we need, therefore I'm opting not to have a bridal shower.
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You raise an excellent question and I don't know what the difference is to be honest.
I just got married last month. We did get registered at one place. However, I only mentioned it if someone asked us if we were registered. So I didn't think it was tacky at all. In fact, I never have heard anyone say they though registering for a wedding or a baby shower was tacky and I personally don't believe it is.
When we registered they gave us a bunch of labels with our registry number on it. I asked them what they were for and they told me to send with our invitations. I told them no way. Now THAT would be incredibly tacky.
You do make a good point about wedding showers vs baby showers. I had never heard of anyone saying registering for a wedding was tacky. The only thing I would have thought was tacky was if it was included on the invitations, whether it be for the wedding shower or a baby shower. If someone is registered for either event I think that info should only be spread by word of mouth.
I just had my bridal shower this past Sunday. I originally wasn't going to register, but my mother told me that she really needed me to (apparently because she knew people were going to be throwing me a shower).
I don't find it tacky at all to simply have a registry. We absolutely did NOT put the registry information on or with our wedding invitations though. That's in poor taste because it's perceived as gift grubbing, and guests aren't obligated to get us a thing.
I don't know if my registry information was sent out with the bridal shower invites, but I have heard that it's okay to do that.
I've never heard anyone gripe that registries themselves were tacky. Perhaps it differs depending upon your area of the world.
Q: what is the difference between a wedding and baby shower?
A: you won't see any men at a baby shower.
FWIW, "gift registries" inherently are tacky.
To PRESUME a guest purchasing a gift is boorish.
To DIRECT a guest to purchasing a gift is outright rude.
It's "tacky" to put the wedding registry information in the wedding invitation. It is supposed to go in the wedding SHOWER invitation. The difference is that the shower is thrown by somebody else for you, whereas the wedding is commonly thrown by – or hosted by – the couple.
The registry itself isn't necessarily "tacky" but how its presented can be!
I think the difference is that the whole point of a shower is to receive gifts for the new baby, whereas a wedding is the joining of two people in marriage.
where i come from, wedding invitations come with many extra pages, and one of those pages is a polite note saying something along the lines of you dont need to get us a gift, but if you would like to we are registered here/have made these arrangements for your convenience. as far as i know, in the us it isn't tacky to have a registry, but tacky to put it in the invitation (which i dont understand, everyone knows you are expected to buy a gift for a wedding anyway!)
personally, i have never been to a baby shower with a registry, but every wedding i have been to has had one. i dont see why its such a problem, all a registry is is a guide line! i really appreciate it when people make registries because it lets me know what they want or need, without having to ask them directly!
It is just tacky to include the registry information in your wedding invitations. A wedding is not centered around gifts. Baby showers (and wedding showers actually which are usually thrown by someone else) are to shower you with gifts and it is ok to put the registry information in there, just dont do that with your wedding invitations!
That's what I don't understand, how nobody criticizes expectant mothers when they have registries, but brides are considered tacky. Other than that, the difference is that baby showers are extremely boring.
Weddings and babies are both life-changing events, I think the bride and groom deserve gifts too!
Actually it's not tacky to include the registry information in a shower invitations. It is however bad etiquette and a no no to include any reference to gifts in a wedding invitation.